Cazzastrophic!

I have not been here in a long time.  Thankfully I have only gained back a couple of kilos.  I still have so far to go.  Motivation is back up high once again.  Starting the Couch to 5K on Monday.  go Caz!!

I was doing really well! Fantabulous actually! My period has hit and I craved everything in sight! Nothing, NOTHING was going to stop me from getting my hands on every bit of food in this house! I ate, then ate some more, then just to be sure, ate into oblivion!

Funk it!! I am now orbiting into a zit hell and I basically feel like crap. All that good food was actually working. I felt better, fitter and healthier. The last 2 days have reassured me that greasy laden fried food does nothing but make you feel like you need to crap semi truck from your bowel!!

I haven’t felt like exercising with the flow of Mississippi between my thighs but I will force myself out later tonight. Hubby (Johno) has been a rain of support. What would I do without him? He is trying his hardest to understand and keep me motivated but he will just have to ride this one out, just as I do.

Tomorrow is another day. I am not even going to bother noting my daily intake of food. I will just put the last 2 days down to PMSing with a vengeance and I will continue on like nothing happened! Now to go and move that truck!
Peace

I was under a bit of stress today and consequently I ate more than I should have. I really have to get over this emotional eating, it does nothing but damn depress me afterwards. I did get to catch up with Maz and that was awesome, since I have started studying I rarely get to see her. I truly miss my old friends at times.  On a good note I did get my results and I am happy to say they came back great!!  The doctor could see my anxiety and called ahead to get the results to put my mind at ease.  I am so cheering here!!

Only a light walk tonight of about 15 mins as I have Day 2 of the Couch to 5k tomorrow night.

Food Intake
Breakfast - Wholemeal muffin with cottage cheese. sliced banana and a coffee
Lunch - Wholemeal muffin with ham and cucumber, another coffee
Dinner - 2 eggs on toast (I am feeling lazy( and a huge glass of water.
Snacks - 1 choc chip muffin and a chocolate frog. (this was my downfall and comfort foods and man it was good!!)

My calorie intake was about 1300, not to bad but there is no variety or real healthy foods here. Just a lazy and down day but man can we say whoa on the carbs for the day!!
I did manage to get more water in today but all in all I am not really happy about the food intake today. Another day tomorrow and I am sure it will be better. It’s all about the baby steps with a boot up the arse to follow!

Today has been a crappy day for me. I had to go and have a scan done for cancer of the ovaries and the guy that took the scan seemed really concerned. Practically begged me to make an appointment to get the results at the Docs asap. So this left me worried and crying much of the afternoon. I am an emotional eater and I really wanted to come home and comfort myself into oblivion!!! But I didn’t. I am trying to stay really positive. So please keep me in your thoughts and fingers crossed that everything is ok.

Other than that the past 2 days has gone really well. I have stuck to my mini goals which is bloody amazing!

Tonight I begin week 2 of Couch to 5k. I did so well last week, just shocking on the food part. So glad to see my fitness has not totally dropped off over the past few months. I had about 3 months of doing nothing.

Food intake for today.

Monday
Scrambled egg on toast, no marg! ( have a thing for eggs at the moment )
Frtiz sandwich and a banana and a coffee ( finally bought more fruit today, I am going to be crapping bananas left right and centre.lol )
Half a wholemeal muffin with cottage cheese and sliced peaches
1 small freddo frog ( damn that chocolate, but it was sooo good! )
Beef Schnitzel and veges and corn on the cob with a can of zero.
Calorie intake is about 1100

I actually got in about 5 glasses of water today as I had to have that scan, so the water intake was good.

I am off to do day 1 of week 2 on the couch to 5k tonight, just letting the food settle. Lets hope I can make it through the times allocated

I weighed in at 80 kilos yesterday.

I have lived too long with the words, hope to, try to, need to and want to. Time to change.

I have sat down and thought about this. Do I want this or not? What am I prepared to do to get there? Will it be painful? Will I ever be good enough? What if I fail? Will people look at me as the fat girl on the treadmill? The list goes on. I am sure we have all questioned ourselves over every aspect of our own journeys.

Yes it is going to be painful. Yes I am good enough. I will NOT fail. If people laugh at me on that treadmill, maybe just maybe there will be one person who sees me and will be inspired to get on one too.

I have basically said enough of the BS. It is now time to get serious. If you want something bad enough you crave it, it almost consumes you. I am finally doing what I have not had the guts to do in a long time. I am prepared to go out and face the world and challenge it. I refuse to let this goal slide this time. I have set a goal to be 60 kilos by my 40th Birthday. I will walk that extra 10 mins to get there each day. When I think I can no longer run that last 30 seconds, I will push out 60 seconds. Every second, step and day is closer to my goal and that goal will be reached.

Success is everywhere and we all have a chance at the bite of the apple. We all can do this. Each day try and look in the mirror and tell yourself you are closer than yesterday to your goal and believe it. Nothing can come between yourself and your own success. Only you. Like me, those who are also on this journey have the balls to get up and do this. Sure we have our own goals but it takes pure guts to get up and keep going. If we fail, we get back up and continue on. This is what takes guts, this is what success is. This is what I plan to be all about.

I am sitting here thinking about all the times I have failed.  The times I have given up because it was too hard, too boring or just plain time consuming.

It has got me nowhere, in fact it had made me into a very lazy, pessimistic fool.  There comes a time where you get up one day and look in the mirror and really see who you have become.  Ask yourself where did you go and how the hell did you get there?  There comes a time where reality bites and you feel so ashamed.

I cannot blame anyone but myself.  I did this to myself, I allowed myself to become this way.  I also have the power to change it.

So what makes this time any different from the all the others.  My own self esteem and my own realisation that I am becoming everything I promised myself I would never be.

So this journey begins.  I am excited and scared.  I have take out the 2 most despised words out of my vocabulary, diet and failure, and replaced them with, life change and can do.    I will go that extra mile, push that extra minute and beleive in myself.  I am the only one who can do this.  This I believe is the most scary part.  I am putting trust and belief into myself to achieve something that I have always felt was out of reach.  Health!

So it begins.